Spring offensive

We keep hearing about the spring offensive that the Taliban is readying to launch. People want the snow to stop and the weather to warm, but with every day the degree notches up, the closer we get to the threatened offensive. I have never seen so many people conflicted about the weather’s changing pattern (save for Al Gore). The plus side to the warming weather is the streets get very muddy. The goopy kind of mud. The chances of someone being able to run in to a crowd with a bomb is practically nil. There is no running through Kabul mud (and there is no getting it off either!).

Doughnut aid

There is a small café on the outskirts of Kabul in the area called Karte-sei I didn’t see any Krispy Kreme doughnuts for sale, but the staff were big supporters (that or they received an “aid package” full of the paper hats.)

This is no chicken dance

The religious observance known as Ashura is nearly upon us. If you are Shi'a (and that’s roughly 10 % of the population, with Sunni making up the rest), this is a very serious time of year .. it is the time when the Prophet Mohammed’s grandson Hussain was killed. For Shi'as, they mark this 10 day period with prayer and self flagellation. On the 10th day, the observances spill out of the mosques and in to the streets. There has been violence on this day in years past when gawkers (or non-Shi'as) make fun or ogle them during the flagellation. Now that you are up to speed on Ashura, I can explain the dance. My intrepid interpreter is Shi'a. On a recent afternoon, he began singing ; a very sweet sounding tune in a very high key. I was impressed by his ability, and to spur him on (and show him I was a fan), I started faux-dancing. Since I was still in my chair, I moved a little to the left and little to the right, all while moving my hands and arms (the way you would if you had maracas). Everyone in the office stared at me. Their eyes were wide, their mouths were open .. all in that “wow! You’re something special!” kind of way … it turns out the song being sung was the main song of Ashura, and I was getting stared at by my staff because the little seated dance move I was doing with my arms looked like I was whipping myself (if you try this move the way I have explained .. move your arms and turn side to side, you’ll see what I mean .. trust me). So here is this very important day where the key is to not make fun of people whipping themselves, and what do I do? I dance. Kind of. Thankfully I found the error of my ways before Ashura ..since doing this same supportive dance could have lead to an international incident.

I don't know what is worse ...

... getting an email like the below, or having to figure out what all the acronyms are!
(fyi #1: Laghman Province borders Kabul)
(fyi #2: RCIED stands for Remote Controlled Improvised Explosive Device)

1. ANSO EAST - INCIDENT REPORT –RCIED Found–Laghman Province, Mehtarlam District, Mehtarlam City, Behind the Women Affairs Department,

Location: Laghman Province, Mehtarlam District, Mehtarlam City, Behind the Women Affairs Department

Incident type: RCIED Found, Date/Time: 24th January 2007 1015hrs, Report status: Confirmed

Information: Information received indicated that ANP discovered an RCIED packed in a bag and placed behind the women affairs department building in Mehtarlam city. Further information received indicated that the area was cordoned off by ANP while an ISAF EOD team defused the device. A controlled explosion was carried out on the device at 1315hrs with no injuries reported. No arrest has been made in connection to the incident thus far; however a police investigation is ongoing in the area.

Casualties: Nil, Arrest: Nil

Assessment: The ER has experienced an upsurge in IED activity and incidents of this nature can be expected in the future.

Advisory: ANSO east strongly advises NGOs to adopt a low profile while deploying staff to the above mentioned district.

Let me hear your body talk

This has nothing to do with that Oliva Newton John relic .. this is about how in Kabul, people aren’t afraid or embarrassed to let their bodies talk. At first I thought it was reserved for burping, but then I saw/heard it was no holds bar when it came to other sounds. For a country full of bean eaters, it can be quite a noisy place after lunch, and there is no hint of shame. It isn’t done with pride either .. it is more a fact of life. It is actually quite liberating, once you get over the oddness of it happening at meetings and you are the only one giggling.

The Hunt for Red .. Wine

I always thought it would have been cool to have lived through Prohibition.. I loved the idea of a whole underground world. A world full of secret revellers and real entrepreneurs (and yes, a few mobsters thrown in for good measure). I can now say, unequivocally, that prohibition sucks. The ex-pat community is up in arms over the lack of red wine and if you happen to stumble across a bottle, it is something you want t keep to yourself rather than share (and that’s not a fun party). The way liquor is procured here is either through an Embassy contact (and from what I hear, it is the Embassies who are to blame for the red wine shortage ..let’s just say foreign relations are made over hearty cabernets and not fume blancs or an “in” with someone who runs a restaurants. Yes, while most people pick up food for carry out, all over Kabul there are liquor bottles hidden in doggie bags! The shortage of the more desirable grape drink is a hot topic at any ex-pat gathering .. it tops even comments about the weather. “Did you hear so and so has a red wine connection?” “Really .. who is it?” “So and so won’t say.” “Bitch!” Yes friendships are made over a bottle of red and many a friendship has been broken as well. I imagine if I stayed a few more months, I would turn in to one of those people .. for me, I still enjoy the hunt of it.

My virtual refrigerator door

My staff issued their first press release today. The statement is a condemnation of the murders of two women (one, a policewoman who was mutilated by an alleged member of the Taliban, the other, a midwife, who was allegedly murdered by her husband), and I am very proud of them. The writing is stilted, they added this weird sentence about how "women are the most fragile community of Afghanistan who have no authority to protect themselves, so we see violence against them,"
and it took them over a day to get it together, but like a proud parent who puts their child’s scribbles on the refrigerator door, I want to frame their first statement. Who knows whether any press will actually pick it up, but at least they finally tried to be proactive.

Bukhali dangers

My little bukhali. We have a love/hate relationship. It burns me nearly every time I put my hand in to stoke the fire, yet it is the only thing that keeps me warm. These little dears are really just cleverly disguised death traps. The exhaust "system" is a series of pipes fitted together which eventually makes its way into a hole in the wall. The pipes are ill fitting and there are gaps between the connections .. sometimes you get lucky and the smoke flows freely out of the room .. and sometimes you have happen, what happened to me last night. The exhaust back up was so fierce that it actually knocked the pipe out from the wall … the pipe arms then started spinning around the room spewing ash … I didn't know whether to duck and run or try to grab hold of it and stick it back in the hole. I tried fixing the problem myself (unsuccessfully) and then ran to the guard house doing my best bukhali-pipe-spinning-around -the-room-on-fire impression. Sharif (who has saved me once before) came running behind me and like a monkey grabbed hold of the pipe and put it back in to place. The photos are of the bukhali's exhaust system, the aftermath, and my hero.

The news that didn't fit the print ...

In case you didn’t see it, the New York Times travel section featured Kabul in its January 21 edition. There are a few things the article didn’t mention, that you might want to know before booking your adventure vacation here. If you only have one to two weeks to spare, you can sufficiently see Kabul in 2 days. Spend the rest of your time in other parts of Afghanistan. The reason being is that Herat (border city with Iran) is a far more beautiful and well-kept city. It offers all of the cultural charms that Kabul does minus the muddy streets, lack of electricity, and open sewers. You will also want to spend a few days in Bamyan in the center of the country. This area is famous for having the huge Buddha statutes that were blown to smithereens by the Taliban during their rule. Bamyan is also full of natural beauty with mountain lakes and air that has been described as crystal clean. The travel author also neglected to mention what it would be like for a woman to visit Kabul. Unless you don’t mind being gawked at, pointed at, rushed, or have your photo taken by hundreds of strangers, a woman does not engage in a “walking tour” of Kabul unless she is Afghan or in a burka. The author writes of the beggars, but what is worth noting is that Afghanistan is probably in the "top 10" in number of amputees (due to years of civil wars and use of landmines), so many of those beggars are coming at you on rollerboards outfitted with steering wheels. A few other notes .. the author mentions “Cabul Coffee House”, which is a fun place to hang if you want to be around expats, but what was not mentioned is that the coffee shop was started by Debbie of “Beauty School of Kabul” fame. She is an American who came to start a beauty school (still in operation and soon to relocate in to the posh Serena Hotel) and a documentary was done of her school by the same name. The restaurants that are mentioned in the article, are all tasty, but are all for expats only. Meaning you must show your passport to get in and you cannot bring any Afghan friends in with you. Also, the restaurant Red Hot Sizzlin’s bathrooms are in a house not attached to the main restaurant, so you have to put on your jacket if you want to use the loo. To create the allure of warm water, a heating element is submerged into a tub of water which creates this dry ice, foggy type of setting which is cool for a disco but not for a bathroom .. after all, a bathroom is not the place you want to feel your way around in! Finally, should you decide to visit Afghanistan, I would recommend coming in the spring or fall as the summers are stifling (allegedly) and the winters are harsh (at least in the capital city). And pack sunglasses (although Afghans don't wear them) as the sun shines brightly when it is not barfing.